Mold

I ate moldy bread yesterday. I didn't even notice and my coworkers forgot to mention it until I ate half a slice already. Then when I got home J says to me: "Here eat this and tell me if it tastes funny." I eat the piece of salami and yes it does taste funny. "Oh good, I just ate a bunch" she says, "and wanted to make sure that if it's poisonous we die together". Well it's now the next day and nothing. No pain; no nausea; nothing; I feel just fine. Isn't it amazing how well adapted our bodies are at coping with all the bad stuff we put in them? Tomorrow I'm gonna try some drugs I haven't tried yet. jk lol :)

Future Breadguy

We were on family vacation last weekend and my little nephew Peter spent a good number or his awake hours walking around with a piece of bread in hand. He gnawed at it slowly and contently and refused offers of other foods despite many attempts. He knows what he likes. He's currently being groomed by my younger brother and his wife, and already he's showing great promise and a natural talent. It's comforting to know that there will be someone there to continue spreading the word even after I'm gone.



He would break a piece of mamica bread off and eat it with his other hand. What bread etiquette!

on distance

My car odometer rolled over 250,000 miles this weekend. How do they build them these days to go that far on all original parts without any major maintenance? I could have gone around the world over 10 times if they had roads to cross the oceans.
One quarter million miles is how far the moon is from earth. I remember when Yuri Gagarin first went into orbit. I think it took Buzz Aldrin days to get to the moon traveling at over 3000 miles per hour.
I bought a French baguette at Freddy's today. I measured it; about 2' long. It would take roughly 660 milion baguettes end to end to bridge the earth-moon gap. I think I've eaten that many already. On a slightly more tangible note, the cost of this great bread bridge to the moon would be approximately .07% of what we've spent already on the "war on terror" in Iraq; based on the 99¢ I spent per loaf. I really don't mean to come off as having an agenda, I just mean to quantify.

Schatzie Bread

Schatzie brought in a loaf of her delicious Christmas coffee bread. It was even more delicious than I remember last year's. All three of us agreed this morning. We didn't even have real butter, but the large tub-o-butter-like-spread I produced provided roughly the same lubrication, and the two slices we each had slid right down. We had to stop ourselves and save some for the rest of the crew who don't have the privilege of getting here before 8 am.

on density

She couldn't eat the whole thing. Got about 1/2 way through. Fell for the old size trick. Surely they must measure their ingredients, so the only thing added was more air. It had the same amount of stuff in it, it just took up more space. Kinda like our universe. Then I got to thinking that the average density of all of earth is actually pretty dense compared to the average density of our solar system, which is mostly empty space. Kind of like Brenda's spinach bun. And the average density of our whole galaxy is even less, and so on, untill if you were to consider the density of the entire universe it approaches 0. And in order for that to be possible, the size of the universe has to be infinite. But we don't like that. So scientists have been arguing for quite some time now on wether the universe is expanding, contracting and heading for another big bang, or is in a steady state. The steady state theory has been discarded quite a while back, but it's actually the one I like best. I don't really understand the big bang theory anyway; I'm not a scientist. I do know that the farther an object is away from us in the universe, the faster it moves away from us. And that's how it should be. Just like the chocolate chips in a cookie as it rises in the oven, or the sesame seeds on top of the bun as it's growing as it's baking. But all astrophysicists prefer another analogy. Raisin bread! It's always raisin bread. And how the raisins move farther away from each other, all of them simultaneously, as it bakes. How can something move away from everything else but never get closer to anything else? That's how. Like rising raisin bread.